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“Real glory is being knocked to your knees and then coming back. That’s real glory.” Vince Lombardi

First, pursue your dream, your passion, your goals no matter what. The advise given to all, which usually generates focus and conversation on the potential positive outcomes, the ‘I gonna build an amazing product, and awesome company’ moment. This post is not about that. This post is about the near soul destroying assault that being an entrepreneur is going to launch on your self-worth.

The best startup mentors, advisers, gurus, typically at least acknowledge that building a business is ‘wicked hard’; however, I think there is little attention to the sources and nature of the hard. Yes raising capital, hiring talent, building culture, selling your solution, etc are really, really hard, but there is no lack of good insight and direction on those Rational, Tacit, Process problems. I believe the real hard, the real barrier to success, the stuff that keeps entrepreneurs up at night, is the emotional challenges that happen in the dips in your startup roller-coaster ride. I don’t think we spend enough time as a community helping each other cope with the unique life event that building a company is.

Starting, building, and growing a business is an immersive experience, it becomes the core of your life. When the business is not going well, you are not going well. This affects every other aspect of your life. We (the Startup Community) readily endorse, training, coaching, mentorship, etc to assist each other with the rigors of the day to day of a startup, including taking care of your health through, diet, exercise, family time, down time, etc. I don’t think we talk enough about the emotional work that it takes to empower the success of you and your business.

Here is some stark reality for aspiring entrepreneur. Getting money, whether it be revenue, investment, grants, etc, into your startup will take twice as long as your conservative estimate. Unless you have serious credentials (you had a SR Exec job at a big time company, you did something amazing at an amazing company, you were a key player in a previous successful startup, you achieved an exit as a founder) no one other than friends, family, and fools (the FFF round) will fund your business plan. First timers and the unproven must achieve traction prior to getting investment, traction should first be interpreted as steady MoM revenue growth, second MoM user growth, third you have built an AMAZING prototype. Please do not plan on being the exception to these rules. Yes this produces a catch22, this is the dip, the chasm, the obstacle between you and success.

These periods are IMHO what it really is to be an entrepreneur, and the difference between success and failure here is intensely dependent on your emotional talents. How do you stay confident, fully engaged, calm, cool, and collected in the 1 step forward 2 steps backwards loop? You are 30 days from bankrupt, your friends & family are anxious, your life-partner is stressed, your co-founder is off the rails, your team are looking for jobs, the ship is sinking. Successful entrepreneurs find a way to survive.

Breaking through to the next phase doesn’t happen because the anchor client finally signed, your user acquisition hit a tipping point, you got featured on TechCrunch; it happened because you persevered the emotional turmoil of the period prior to those outcomes enough to do the work that allow those things to happen. Failure to execute is rarely due to a lack of know how (plenty of blogs, books, and people), or skills (possible, but where there is a will there is a way), the failure happens inside you, the Will gives out. You need to train, plan, and actively manage your emotional well being as well as be engaged helping your team do so as well; that my friends is HARD.

Watch http://thisweekin.com/thisweekin-startups/ episode #161 at the very end, after an amazing chat about the block and tackle of startup success, both Jason Calcanis and Fred Wilson finish with the statement “it really is just about perseverance isn’t it.” Two of the biggest icons in the industry truly connect on the pain of their failures and the ability to overcome them that has produced their successes. Gary V and Kevin Rose hit it even harder, its sacrifice, ‘its always hard’, and ‘working your faceoff!’ here. What Gary V hits particularly well and consistently in most of is his content, is the raw straight at you position that building a business is going to absolutely everything you have; your success will be achieved by your passion, guts, and relentless hard work. This is beautifully simple truth. I want to outline a few ways that might help you activate, build and maintain those attributes of passion, guts, and hard work, because I know I struggle nearly every day to so.

I will start with some hard, non-emotional things that will help pave the rocky road out of or away from the hard times that will come in a startup.

  1. Save One Year’s worth of living expenses (at least six months) if you can. Money pressure is visceral and very hard to ignore; its hard to focus on building your business if you are not sure how you are going to pay the bills. Remember revenue and investment capital always take longer than planned and rarely happen in a startup in a sustainable way in year 1.
  2. Align those closest to you, specifically your life partner. No matter, how strong and positive your relationship, a startup is going to put it to the test. Never take your private relationship for granted, for good or ill it is going to impact your business life. Your partner is a part of your team, communicate your needs open and honestly and reciprocate. Two front wars are really hard to win, keep your war at work.
  3. You and your co-founder(s) are married, all the same rules apply. This is an unique business relationship, normal rules do not apply. You need to support each other emotionally not just professionally. Your co-founder’s issues at home are going to affect your business, they will resent not getting sympathy / support when the server crashes at 2am, losing a deal hurts bad talk about how it feels and wait to talk about why you lost. Your startup is your baby, you better have alignment on how you are going to parent it.

In my experience and observation, the truly critical takeaway entrepreneurs have from their failures are the emotional scars. Failure tests your resolve, it trains your reaction to adversity, it exposes you character. Failure informs you mental and emotional models for the next startup. From them you learn how to position yourself, your venture, and your team for better outcomes. I have failed twice in companies that I have founded. Those lessons inform my entrepreneurship everyday, and I am much stronger, effective, and valuable for those failures.